September 28, 2009

It's On

One of the great things about college football is also the reason it sometimes sucks. As is not the case with the outside world, college football does not rely on head-to-head matchups playoffs or concrete action. Unlike baseball, it’s nearly impossible, with any precision, to completely judge a team based on their accomplishments...especially through a portion of a season. Until every team plays the same opponents within a year, you’re never going to get a static answer. For you see, the powers that be love the arguments..they love the discussion…they love the money that all that attention brings in. This is what makes the sport great..because of the territorial biases …opinions are all we have to judge the good and the bad.

What SUCKS about that is the very fact that it’s IMPOSSIBLE to tell who is truly the best, and who is truly the worst. This goes against the very nature of competitive sports in the first place. So you’re stuck with a catch 22…either settle it on the field to decide WHO is the best…or sit back and argue about it til the next season starts.

In the midst of all that crap and discussion, are some steps we can take to figure out who is better than whom. As this lighter-toned hate week begins, the question on everybody’s mind is…what exactly is going to happen when two of the North favorites meet up on a cool Missouri night this coming October 8th.

On one side you have Nebraska fans, with their smarmy ego-driven babble….telling anybody who will listen just how good their unproven younger players are. You could take all 100+ Husker players on any given week….replace them with 100 high school freshman as you send them off to play Texas, and Husker fans would unite as one to remind you just how good coaching can overcome any physical deficiency. On the other side, you have Missouri fans….bitter and evil to the core, dealing with the side effects of success after literally 30 years swirling the toilet rim of college football. Mix the two together in a HUGE game…under the lights….at the tail end of 13 hours of tailgating and you get a volatile situation….both online, on this blog and in within the fan bases in general. Lose the game, and your team is two games down with a matchup with Kansas still to come. Win the game, and you’re 2 games up on the other team, with winnable games against Colorado, Iowa State, KSU and Baylor still to come. It’s the biggest north division football game since Armageddon at Arrowhead in November of 2007.

Over the next 11 days on this blog, I will celebrate the insanity…the hostility and the pure hatred between these two fan bases...without any rhyme or reason from anybody who exactly is the better team. Despite that, until we decide it on the field, I will give you the various reasons to celebrate such white-hot disdain, while giving you the countless reasons why Nebraska stands more the chance of Larry the Cable guy winning an Oscar than they do winning this game. I shall do it using parody…I shall use it using opinion. I shall do it in a box, I shall do it with Megan Fox. I will explain to you just how a Sun Belt Championship is meaningless in today’s Big 12…and how moral victories only count when either expectations are low, or delusional thinking is extremely high.

Those of you Husker fans visiting me this week who came here to bring up box scores from the 1993 Orange Bowl or two week old Nevada Wolfpack practice reports….save your breath. I am more confident now than I have ever been. You are just as fraudulent today as you were back then. There is a reason the old blog does not exist; It disappeared because regardless of your confidence level, you’ve continued to become an afterthought in the overall big picture...despite everyone else telling you the contrary. Sure, during this week (+) where we celebrate raw hatred we will discuss pros and cons of the actual matchup…but we’ll also go back and look at just what got you to this point in the first place.

Yes Husker fans…I hope you get all that coming to you in the coming weeks. I hope your dog named after Bob Devaney is playfully and unknowingly headed toward an oncoming truck right now. I hope genital warts are rapidly forming on your nether-regions as you type your e-mail to Tom Osborne, telling him what a great job he's doing. If you have been lucky enough to form a relationship with a girl, I hope she is on her back with someone else, thinking about a bruised cervix while you’re daydreaming about Roy Helu celebrating that big touchdown in the middle of a sea of gold t-shirts and noise. I hope your sister is getting filled out like an application and used in ways that would make Sasha Gray blush. I hope your eyeballs are eaten by fire ants. I hope your skin is eaten by a mutated flesh-eating virus found in an isolated section of your yellow foam corncob hat.

Rot in hell you arrogant, toothless, straw-hat wearing, Ricky Skaggs listening, John Deere driving, Adrian Fiala worshiping, gum chomping, balloon releasing, tunnel walk obsessing, delusional illiterate fuckheads.

I hereby declare Hate Week® officially open.

Power Poll:


1) Kansas (4-0) vs. Iowa State October 11th –
After successfully disgracing their own university by sweeping their internal matters under the rug, the Redleggers hung on for a nice win against a fairly decent Southern Miss team. Granted, it was at home and KU’s defensive weaknesses were exposed, they have now reached the point where Reesing, Briscoe and company can give a ½ assed effort and still pull out a win. Bye week this week before winnable cakewalks vs. Iowa State and at Boulder. Then the fun begins.

2) Missouri (4-0) vs. Nebraska October 8th -
For the 3rd time in 4 weeks, Mizzou is forced to defend a “poor” performance after a win. Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t many people predict Mizzou would be 2-2 or WORSE right now? “OH, but Illinois and Nevada suck”. Perhaps, but wins away from home against D1 competition should NEVER be apologized for. You survive and advance…and work on your shortcomings the following week. Don’t believe me? Ask Iowa how good they thought they were after a 1 point miracle win over 1AA Northern Iowa. Did you see them thumping Penn State? I didn't.

3) Iowa State (3-1) vs. Kansas State in KC –
The Clones are quietly winning the games they should, and racking up some decent rushing yards to boot. Granted, I don’t think anybody is looking at ISU to make a trip to Dallas in December, but quiet ass whippings over teams they should beat is a great first step. Now they get to see how much they’ve improved against a KSU team, who obviously has their own troubles these days. 4-1 going into Lawrence would at least provide some much needed confidence.

4) Nebraska (3-1) at Missouri October 8th –
SUN BELT CHAMPIONS!!! Nebraska withstood the largest back-patting celebration the world has ever seen to easily dust off a ULL team that ranks 90th or worse in 6 different categories. Granted, the sight of 85,000 losers in 1960’s garb would distract me as well, but what else would you expect for a team that barley gained 280 yards at home against Kansas State in their biggest home game ever? Conference affiliation switches notwithstanding, Nebraska brings an army of confidence and toothless yokels to Columbia for a hate week extravaganza that is always worth the wait.

5) Kansas State (2-2) at Iowa State in K.C. -
KSU polished off their FCS cupcake by pouring on 21 unanswered points in the 3rd quarter to blowout a relatively close game at the half. Considering two of their opponents have been FCS team s(and the other the powerful previously mentioned UL-Lafayette), the Cats have built up quite the defensive blueprint as they head into Farmegeddon against ISU at Arrowhead this Saturday. This battle for the North basement strangely could be one of the more exiting games of the weekend. (Which is kinda sad)

6) Colorado (1-2) at West Virginia - The Buffs parlayed a much-needed bye week into a suicidal trip to the moonshine soaked Astroturf of Morgantown on Saturday. I’m not the world’s biggest expert on West Virginia these days, and I have about as much respect for the Big East as I do porn starts who won’t do anal scenes. However, Colorado is just a strange enough team to make things interesting. Ummm…probably not. Take cover. Time for Hawk to shine up the resume.


1) Texas (4-0) vs. Colorado October 10th -
Nice of Texas to finally make that big-time statement against such a NCAA powerhouse as UTEP. I’m not sure what the Miners or their staff did to Mack Brown, but that looked like one seriously pissed off team in Austin. After the bye, Colorado serves as an appetizer prior to the Red River Ball of Hype on October 17th.

2) Oklahoma (2-1) at Miami Fla –
If I’m guilty of anything, it’s buying the Miami Hype. A win over a schizophrenic FSU team, parlayed with a Thursday night win over Georgia Tech, should have set off some flags at the fact that Miami was somehow number NINE in the COUNTRY. Meanwhile, they’re averaging under 380 yards per game and are still extremely young. I’m not sure what the hell happened to OU back in Dallas, but I really don’t see this being close..with or without Sam Bradford.

3) Texas Tech (2-2) vs. New Mexico –
I give the Raiders credit, they’ve battled a couple of tough teams..despite falling short. Taylor Potts looked a bit more mortal, but you still can’t be happy if you’re Mike Leach when Case Keenum throws for 435 yards in the air. It would be pretty understandable if you see a letdown here from Tech, but again, it’s New Mexico. (who has given up 37 or more points in 3 of their first 4 games)

4) Oklahoma State (3-1) at Texas A&M October 10th – Pokes get a week off after waxing Grambling and Bruce Jenner this past weekend. (I assume he still plays for them, although I think I just showed my age). What appeared to be a very winnable game at A&M next weekend now doesn’t quite look so appealing.

5) Texas A&M (3-0) vs. Arkansas at Dallas –
Time to see where Mike Sherman and company are at against a good-but-not-great Arkansas team. Get by the Hogs, and suddenly there is a huge matchup brewing with a beatable Oklahoma State the following week in College Station. I’m not a Texas A&M expert by any means..but this Arkansas game as a measuring stick is gigantic in terms of where Mike Sherman is, and how the team feels about themselves. Get blown out and it’s back to fighting off the wolves.

6) Baylor (2-1) vs. Kent State –
Gotta feel bad for the Bears with Robert Griffin out the rest of the season. Baylor wasn’t a team that was going to rattle off 8 or 9 wins anyway, but it would have been nice to see them stick around and make a bowl. Now, it’s back to the drawing board, and trying to get younger players some time as they try to keep afloat. We’ll see how good Art Briles is as a coach starting this week against the Flashes.


  1. It's going to be epic. Starting out the day early with a trip to Shakespears. Waiting for parking to open up at 4:30. Then tailgating by the arena. Not a big fan of Thursday night games, but it is nice being the only show in town for the 2nd time this year.

  2. This is not your best writing though I did chuckle on the "sister" comment.

    One topic that we can reach common ground on is October 8th cannot come quick enough.

    On that note...My your delusions of adequacy continue for another week.

  3. 'side effects of success' One good season makes you successful now? 59-34 since 2002. Decade of Dominance makes you 'bitter and evil to the core', So Scary. I hope you win your FIRST title since your 'work is done' then we can see how mean and scary your delusional fan base can be.

  4. AJ - with all the name calling and plagues you wish upon husker fan leads me to one conclusion!

    You know the Big Red is back!!

  5. AJ, so the NU graduate, self-hater* and serial loather is back. Your outlook on life is so positive and refreshing. After I read your not-so-clever crap above, I remembered why I stopped reading your last discontinued blog ... see ya.

    *You're a Husker and you hate them.

  6. Here's a nice article about how rude and crappy Nebraska fans are. You're dead wrong about how fans act around here. You are only focusing on about 1 percent. The negative one percent because by nature you are a negative person.

  7. You must live a very fulfilling life. I'm sure this brings you great joy. Good for you.

  8. wow, your making fun of us for not having teeth, talk about ironic.
    We are going to beat you guys so bad this year your going to wish you were playing against Dr. Tom cause at least he called off the dogs. Bo is going to stick it to you so hard you won't even be able to sexually harass you sisters for a whole week.

  9. You'll love this one:

  10. "LOOK AT ME!!! LOOK AT ME!!! I'M EDGY AND CLEVER!!!" Fail.

    It must really be rough to be so arrogant and untalented, that's a tough combination to start a life with and I don't envy you. Seriously, for you to aim so hard for dark wit and come up with monkey flinging poop. I'm sure in that little geek scoreboard in your head, every time a Husker fan acknowledges you, that gets you a little closer to even for whatever perceived injustice was inflicted upon you. I mean, you're even calling it a diary, and you're not a 13 year old girl, I think.

    But in all honesty, thank you, for not being a Nebraska fan.

  11. I've now had to reject TWO racist comments from the Classiest fans in the Nation.

    Knock it the fuck off

  12. Do you know what I love the most about Missouri fans? The fact that they think the world of college football revolves around them and they talk so loudly how good their football team is! How many National Titles do you guys have? How many Heisman Trophy winners do you guys have? How many conference (not division) titles do you guys have (Big 8 and Big 12)? Good luck catching up!!