September 3, 2009

Answering the Haters - The 2009 Nebraska Schedule

Happy Football everyone.

As you have probably noticed, things are pretty quiet around here…even with the onset of the college football season. After threw my championship belt over my shoulder last January, I really haven’t been all that fired up to write. I mean, I’ve THOUGHT about subjects to write about….but in the end…if it’s just half-ass words on the screen…what’s the point? You guys know what fires me up…and quire frankly…I’m not really fired up anymore now that my main nemesis is long and dead.

Oh sure, I’ll be rooting like hell for and against certain teams this fall…but it just seems that the whole thing is anticlimactic. It seems like with the passion gone….do I really want to take the time to express my thoughts? Maybe I’m just jaded because the site itself doesn’t appear that sharp without the web development? I’ve been told it’s coming…but like any other’s one of those things you just have to get motivated to do.

So, since I’m sure people are looking for some fire and brimstone speech…I’m pretty much taking requests. One of those requests I've gotten recently thanks to these guys is to re-live one of the old-standard columns of years gone by…the Nebraska schedule prediction. Now several times…before and after the death of the anti-Husker hating movement…I’ve explained to you what is going to happen with pretty good accuracy. However, thanks to some Kool-Aid chugging Husker bloggers, my insight and manhood have been called out. So since I don’t really care anymore…I’m more than willing to put my money where my mouth is.

With the exception of hate week…(which lets face it…will probably never will be the same anyway)…I’ll go back in time, and throw my Husker hating hat back on. With deep philosophical insight, I will not tell you exactly how the 2009 Huskers will fare. Buckle on your chin straps…some of you aren’t going to like this:

Week 1 – Vs. Florida Atlantic.
Howard Schnellenberger brings his team into Lincoln to avenge some sort of ancient score with 1984. Leave it to Husker fans to took 25 freaking years into the past to find a story line. Nevertheless, you could have Howard Hessman or Howard the Duck coaching Florida Atlantic…it really won’t matter. OK, so they won the Flint Michigan Dairy Queen Bowl last year over Mount Pleasant High School (MI). Whoopie do. Husker fans ALL WEAR RED. Do you know how intimidating that is? Even the worst of Husker seasons usually starts with a thrashing of some piss pour low-level D1 team. FAU has some decent talent on offense, but their defense is horrible. Could be close…but not in the end.

My official prediction: Nebraska 49 Florida Atlantic 21

Week 2 – vs. Arkansas State
Arkansas State shocked the world by beating a lowly Texas A&M team in a place FAR more hostile than Lincoln in 2008. The Indians scored 83 points in a game, as well as came within 3 points of beating a decent Southern Miss team as well. ASU returns a starting QB and two decent running backs in Reggie Arnold and Derek Lawson. However, it still appears to be a mismatch considering that if Nebraska does have a strength..(you would think) it would be stopping the run. This should be MUCH closer than the FAU game….and what on earth are the Hicks going to do without some wacky 25 year old storyline to wax poetic about?

My official prediction: Nebraska 31 Arkansas State 20

Week 3 - at. Virginia Tech
I’ve actually read some predictions this week from Husker fans that Tech shouldn’t be that tough of a matchup for Nebraska thanks to 1) Tyrod Taylor “not being that good. And 2) Darren Evans is out for the year with an ACL tear. The Hokies instead will rely on Kenny Lewis and Josh Oglesby. Regardless, I’m not sure if some folks around here notice this…but Virginia Tech is pretty good in Blacksburg. (3 losses at home in 4 years). I’m also not sure what will shine brighter by the end of the game…Bo Pelini’s red forehead (after he bitches like a 3 year old about some correct call that he didn’t even see) or the neon yellow puddle underneath Zac Lee…who had the same amount of attempts last season as Marlon Lucky in 2008. (And only one more than kicker Jake Wesch). Expect ABC to have their fingers on the button to switch over to USC vs. Washington by halftime.

My official prediction: Virginia Tech 41 Nebraska 10

Week 4 - vs Louisiana Lafayette
The only exciting thing regarding this game is two specific things: How fast the Hicks can recover from a prison-style pounding the week before…and at what point does Omaha World Herald columnist Tom Shatel write a 7000 word column regarding the “cool name” Rajun Cajuns. K-State struggled with ULL last season in Manhattan, and nearly beat Illinois in Champaign…so you would think they wouldn’t have jitters. Even then, this team STILL lost to Troy 48-3. Not gonna happen, even against Nebraska.

My official prediction: Nebraska 31 UL-Lafayette 13

Week 6 – at Missouri
Hate week. The two most exciting words in the Husker hating calendar. For some reason, every single Husker fan I’ve talked to and read about….EVERY ONE…is predicting a Husker win. However, not ONE person can tell me any remotely close to reasonable reason why this is even possible. New QB, new receivers, 1 even remotely decent running back (to go along with one extremely overrated running back who has never played a snap) and a defense that gave up 52 points in 2.5 quarters IN Lincoln last year. Did I miss something? Apparently I did. Obviously this would be a bit different if the game were in Lincoln, due to the fact that Missouri is breaking in a new QB as well…but you CAN NOT tell me that a brand new QB…with 2 more career attempts than I going to walk into the swirling gold cauldron of hate on national TV and beat Mizzou. It’s not going to happen. It won’t happen. Stop acting like idiots.

My official prediction: Missouri 48 Nebraska 7

Week 7 vs. Texas Tech
Here’s another game where Husker fans have chalked up a win. Nevermind, Texas Tech has simply re-loaded year in and year out for a decade…nevermind the fact they sleepwalked through an OT game in Lubbock last year…nevermind the fact that they are breaking in a new QB and a new WR….uhhh…so is Nebraska. Botton line…Tech has more big game experience and oh yeah…way better players to melt away in some faux “big time” atmosphere in the rotting gray carcass of a stadium found in Lincoln. It may be close (because that’s how Tech rolls often times)…but no way are they falling for this trick again.

My official prediction: Texas Tech 55 Nebraska 21

Week 8 – vs. Iowa State
Iowa State might be one of the worst football teams in Division one this season..and that is saying a lot. This is now 3 times in 19 posts that I’ve broken down ISU in any sort of terms on this blog. Not gonna happen. Nebraska may even roll.

My official prediction: Nebraska 38 Iowa State 10

Week 9 - at Baylor
It’s too bad the Husker blog is dead, because NOTHING would be greater than mocking NU fans after a loss to mighty Baylor. Regardless, that’s pretty much what they’re looking at, as Robert Griffin lines up the Big Red like a Albert Pujols staring down a 30mph fastball from Nancy Osborne. This will be the biggest victory for any Baylor team in some time, and don’t think for a second the green and gold won’t be smelling the blood in the water by the time the season gets to this point. Mizzou nearly fell in Waco last year…this year’s Husker team is not even close to that caliber. (Obviously.)

My official prediction: Baylor 41 Nebraska 24

Week 10 - vs. Oklahoma
Oh good we have to go another 7 days, waxing nostalgic about how great the OU-NU rivalry was? The airwaves will be filled to the brim with old Lyle Bremser calls and grainy footage of America’s favorite hot dog pitchman Johnny Rogers, shifting left and right against OU sometime shortly before the stone age set in. Tom Osborne I’m sure will go out of his way to “honor” the legacy of the rivalry, yet somehow putting the focus on himself at every turn…look for something along the lines of a large bronze bust, or perhaps a gigantic mural honoring his greatness. Either way, the festivities will be grand and the nostalgia will run deep…right before OU beats the living fuck out of the Huskers.

My official prediction: Oklahoma 47 Nebraska 3

Week 11 - at Kansas
Here’s another “gimmie” on the Husker schedule according to their fans. Nevermind KU returns the most scoring weapons in the division and nevermind the fact that the game is being held in Lawrence, which is the equivalent of holding a game within the walls of a state penitentiary. Urine bombs and saved for special games against Mizzou…but look for the hostility to melt Zac Lee in the blink of an eye. The ghosts of 70 point beatdowns will linger long, as Todd Reesing destroys the blackskirts on his way toward the Big 12 North title game 3 weeks later at Arrowhead.

My official prediction: Kansas 45 Nebraska 24

Week 12 - vs Kansas State

Senior day is always special in Lincoln, as the fans come out in droves to celebrate the accomplishments of athletic department tutors and illegal boosters everywhere. Gone are the big name seniors for Nebraska to look for the Ndamukong Suh hour, complete with singing, dancing and good times had by all. The Hicks finish off the special night by waxing a bad KSU team to the hoots and hollars of a fan base, who by all accounts will be looking for something to hold onto after not winning a game in 3 weeks.

My official prediction: Nebraska 38 Kansas State 27

Week 13 – at Colorado
Ahhh nothing is more enjoyable on Thanksgiving afternoon than teams battling for a low level bowl spot in Shreveport. Colorado came within a nerd toenail of pulling off the upset last season. The Buffs lost 18 players (yes…18) to injuries last season, and Nebraska lost not only one of their best passers in school history, but their #1 running back and both wide receivers. The game is in Boulder, where the Huskers are showered with love, affection and respect year in and year out. Given the track record of Husker fans…look for the Bo Pelini love affair to be in full fledged retreat, heading into a rough and rocky off-season.

My official prediction a la 1989: Colorado 27 Nebraska 21

5-7 Overall
2-6 in the Big 12

Enjoy your weekend.


  1. Just so your record on past predictions for the Huskers is clear:

    2008: 4-8 (Oops.)
    2007: 6-6 (Congratulations. Got one right)
    2006: NU 3rd in North (Oops.)
    2005: 3-9 (Oops.)


    "If you had to place a $100.00 bet on a current Big 12 head coach being fired at the end of the season who would you pick and why?
    If I had to put money on anybody, it would be Missouri's Gary Pinkel. Pinkel tempts Tiger fans with some big wins, then befuddles them two or three times a season by losing games they shouldn't. He got an extension to keep his recruiting moving forward, but expectations are growing in Columbia. Guy Morriss at Baylor would be a candidate, but does anybody think changing coaches will make a difference in Waco? Some people think Bill Callahan could be on the hot seat, but his job is safe now that Steve Pederson got a five year contract extension."

    July of 2007 regarding NU's linebackers

    "Best Linebackers
    Linebackers: Nebraska, Texas
    With a new defensive line and a leaky secondary, Nebraska is going to need a HUGE impact from their linebackers. Their depth will allow Nebraska to experiment with a 3-4 this season at times. I see the rest of the bloggers love Bo Ruud...wish our fans did as well."

    40 points.....Ball home.


  3. Hilarity

  4. I thought Nebraska wasn't worth the effort since they're no longer relevant?

  5. They're not...I'm responding directly to a request.

  6. Missouri Husker FanSeptember 3, 2009 at 6:35 PM

    I have a request for about picking the MU/Illinois game?


  7. It just wouldn't be fall without you, AJ...

    Half of me is happy to see you at this in some form again, the other half of me hates you for squashing my excitement for this season to start ;-)
    Now I have to wonder each week if you are somehow gonna get it right and I know I won't be able to keep myself from coming around in any case that you happen to be.... bastard!!


  8. I actually think that is a very realistic prediction. I know the hicks won't like it because they know that Keller...ur Ganz...ur Lee is going to win the Heisman this fall. However, for anyone who doesn't wear Lawrence Phillips pj's to bed, that prediction is very, very reasonable considering the blatant lack of PROVEN TALENT (as in not as good as HuskerIllustrated would lead you to believe) on this year's nu squad.

  9. Me thinks you're infatuated with Nebraska. LOL!

  10. I think Mizzou loses to Illinois...I've said this a few times. However, I think they stomp Nevada and Nebraska and won't lose again til Stillwater.

    Go back and check the previews. I don't type for my health.

    I have 38-24 Illinois

  11. AJ is an illiterate retard. Where did he go to school, CU?

  12. I respect your opinion to post what you obviously feel is our impending doom up here in Lincoln. So, please respect my opinion on you being a tool. Simple enough

  13. AJ doesn't Mizzou have a new QB, WR, TE this year? You must be drinking more than kool-Aid to think they will only lose 2 games this year. The sad thing is, after MIZ-GAY loses 5 games you will stop posting on this site until next year. I'll be at the Mizzou game this year, I'll say a special prayer that I run into you tonight.

  14. "AJ is an illiterate retard. Where did he go to school, CU?"

    There is so many funny things about this statement. I guess you would have had to been a follower of the old blog to see why it is so funny.

  15. Miz-gay?

    That might be the worst attempt at a comeback I have EVER SEEN...and I've been doing this for five years.

    Mizzou does have a new QB (same QB some of you Husker fans claimed could start for an NFL team back in 2006). Both of MU's wide receivers are seniors, (whoops) and TE Andrew Jones had 20 receptions last year. (double whoops).

    I also noticed you didn't mention the returning all-Big 12 running back in the backfield.

    I don't just pull this stuff out of my ass.

  16. Aj ur still an idiot every year its something new. yes neb has a new qb but hes been in the system 3 yrs now. mu's qb is to different from daniel to have the same productivity. yes mu has washington good back but neb has helu alson good back. i will wait to hear ur prediction on the rest of the season after mu loses to nu and kansas and colorado.

  17. Missouri will not lose to Nebraska.
    Missouri COULD lose to CU, but not likely
    Missouri most likely will lose to KU

  18. AGay the Husker "Hated It"! Glad you are back!

  19. Please try to keep your gaybashing slurs to a minimum and try to come up with something a bit more original.


  20. your a dumbfuck! oh yeah and the big 12 game isn't in KC this year

  21. C'mon, this was supposed to be a Big XII blog, not a smoke screen Husker bashing blog (right?).....

    I love the breakdowns, just try to spread the hate a little more evenly (although it's hard, considering it's Nebraska, the land of sunshines and kool-aid).


  22. You are a retard!

  23. Originality? Are you serious? How many years have you been writing this same story? Your act is like Jack Johnson's song. He only really sings one and he just changes the title. Please tell us that part about hicks... again. I love that part!

  24. The Jack Johnson line is pretty funny. Look, damned if I do..damned if I don't. I don't mention Nebraska...I'm ducking. I do mention them, you give me the same "you can't quit us" mantra. (Not that I care, but I get 25x more hits if I talk about Nebraska.)

    Regardless, you're HAS been done before and it IS the same song and dance. That's why I quit remember? Granted, I'm never going to stop throwing barbs at NU..but how is the power poll "focusing" on NU? Their preview was the shortest of all of them.

    Either way...who cares. You obviously cared about it enough to read it and comment on I guess I win again.

    And I know where the fucking Conference Title game is you idiot..Mizzou and KU still play in Kansas City this year.

  25. Glad I stumbled on your new page, thought you were gone for good. Funny stuff as always. Do you have a link to a bigger version of that CU crowd shot? That's a sweet picture, I want it on my desktop.

    Anyway, take it easy AJ, fuck Nebraska!

  26. What teams are you talking about watching on Thanksgiving afternoon? Last time I checked NU/CU game has been played on the Friday after for a little over a decade. Just sayin......