Answering the Haters - The 2009 Nebraska Schedule

Happy Football everyone.

As you have probably noticed, things are pretty quiet around here…even with the onset of the college football season. After threw my championship belt over my shoulder last January, I really haven’t been all that fired up to write. I mean, I’ve THOUGHT about subjects to write about….but in the end…if it’s just half-ass words on the screen…what’s the point? You guys know what fires me up…and quire frankly…I’m not really fired up anymore now that my main nemesis is long and dead.

Oh sure, I’ll be rooting like hell for and against certain teams this fall…but it just seems that the whole thing is anticlimactic. It seems like with the passion gone….do I really want to take the time to express my thoughts? Maybe I’m just jaded because the site itself doesn’t appear that sharp without the web development? I’ve been told it’s coming…but like any other project..it’s one of those things you just have to get motivated to do.

So, since I’m sure people are looking for some fire and brimstone speech…I’m pretty much taking requests. One of those requests I've gotten recently thanks to these guys is to re-live one of the old-standard columns of years gone by…the Nebraska schedule prediction. Now several times…before and after the death of the anti-Husker hating movement…I’ve explained to you what is going to happen with pretty good accuracy. However, thanks to some Kool-Aid chugging Husker bloggers, my insight and manhood have been called out. So since I don’t really care anymore…I’m more than willing to put my money where my mouth is.

With the exception of hate week…(which lets face it…will probably never will be the same anyway)…I’ll go back in time, and throw my Husker hating hat back on. With deep philosophical insight, I will not tell you exactly how the 2009 Huskers will fare. Buckle on your chin straps…some of you aren’t going to like this:


Week 1 – Vs. Florida Atlantic.
Howard Schnellenberger brings his team into Lincoln to avenge some sort of ancient score with 1984. Leave it to Husker fans to took 25 freaking years into the past to find a story line. Nevertheless, you could have Howard Hessman or Howard the Duck coaching Florida Atlantic…it really won’t matter. OK, so they won the Flint Michigan Dairy Queen Bowl last year over Mount Pleasant High School (MI). Whoopie do. Husker fans ALL WEAR RED. Do you know how intimidating that is? Even the worst of Husker seasons usually starts with a thrashing of some piss pour low-level D1 team. FAU has some decent talent on offense, but their defense is horrible. Could be close…but not in the end.

My official prediction: Nebraska 49 Florida Atlantic 21


Week 2 – vs. Arkansas State
Arkansas State shocked the world by beating a lowly Texas A&M team in a place FAR more hostile than Lincoln in 2008. The Indians scored 83 points in a game, as well as came within 3 points of beating a decent Southern Miss team as well. ASU returns a starting QB and two decent running backs in Reggie Arnold and Derek Lawson. However, it still appears to be a mismatch considering that if Nebraska does have a strength..(you would think) it would be stopping the run. This should be MUCH closer than the FAU game….and what on earth are the Hicks going to do without some wacky 25 year old storyline to wax poetic about?

My official prediction: Nebraska 31 Arkansas State 20



Week 3 - at. Virginia Tech
I’ve actually read some predictions this week from Husker fans that Tech shouldn’t be that tough of a matchup for Nebraska thanks to 1) Tyrod Taylor “not being that good. And 2) Darren Evans is out for the year with an ACL tear. The Hokies instead will rely on Kenny Lewis and Josh Oglesby. Regardless, I’m not sure if some folks around here notice this…but Virginia Tech is pretty good in Blacksburg. (3 losses at home in 4 years). I’m also not sure what will shine brighter by the end of the game…Bo Pelini’s red forehead (after he bitches like a 3 year old about some correct call that he didn’t even see) or the neon yellow puddle underneath Zac Lee…who had the same amount of attempts last season as Marlon Lucky in 2008. (And only one more than kicker Jake Wesch). Expect ABC to have their fingers on the button to switch over to USC vs. Washington by halftime.

My official prediction: Virginia Tech 41 Nebraska 10



Week 4 - vs Louisiana Lafayette
The only exciting thing regarding this game is two specific things: How fast the Hicks can recover from a prison-style pounding the week before…and at what point does Omaha World Herald columnist Tom Shatel write a 7000 word column regarding the “cool name” Rajun Cajuns. K-State struggled with ULL last season in Manhattan, and nearly beat Illinois in Champaign…so you would think they wouldn’t have jitters. Even then, this team STILL lost to Troy 48-3. Not gonna happen, even against Nebraska.

My official prediction: Nebraska 31 UL-Lafayette 13



Week 6 – at Missouri
Hate week. The two most exciting words in the Husker hating calendar. For some reason, every single Husker fan I’ve talked to and read about….EVERY ONE…is predicting a Husker win. However, not ONE person can tell me any remotely close to reasonable reason why this is even possible. New QB, new receivers, 1 even remotely decent running back (to go along with one extremely overrated running back who has never played a snap) and a defense that gave up 52 points in 2.5 quarters IN Lincoln last year. Did I miss something? Apparently I did. Obviously this would be a bit different if the game were in Lincoln, due to the fact that Missouri is breaking in a new QB as well…but you CAN NOT tell me that a brand new QB…with 2 more career attempts than I have..is going to walk into the swirling gold cauldron of hate on national TV and beat Mizzou. It’s not going to happen. It won’t happen. Stop acting like idiots.

My official prediction: Missouri 48 Nebraska 7


Week 7 vs. Texas Tech
Here’s another game where Husker fans have chalked up a win. Nevermind, Texas Tech has simply re-loaded year in and year out for a decade…nevermind the fact they sleepwalked through an OT game in Lubbock last year…nevermind the fact that they are breaking in a new QB and a new WR….uhhh…so is Nebraska. Botton line…Tech has more big game experience and oh yeah…way better players to melt away in some faux “big time” atmosphere in the rotting gray carcass of a stadium found in Lincoln. It may be close (because that’s how Tech rolls often times)…but no way are they falling for this trick again.

My official prediction: Texas Tech 55 Nebraska 21



Week 8 – vs. Iowa State
Iowa State might be one of the worst football teams in Division one this season..and that is saying a lot. This is now 3 times in 19 posts that I’ve broken down ISU in any sort of terms on this blog. Not gonna happen. Nebraska may even roll.

My official prediction: Nebraska 38 Iowa State 10



Week 9 - at Baylor
It’s too bad the Husker blog is dead, because NOTHING would be greater than mocking NU fans after a loss to mighty Baylor. Regardless, that’s pretty much what they’re looking at, as Robert Griffin lines up the Big Red like a Albert Pujols staring down a 30mph fastball from Nancy Osborne. This will be the biggest victory for any Baylor team in some time, and don’t think for a second the green and gold won’t be smelling the blood in the water by the time the season gets to this point. Mizzou nearly fell in Waco last year…this year’s Husker team is not even close to that caliber. (Obviously.)

My official prediction: Baylor 41 Nebraska 24



Week 10 - vs. Oklahoma
Oh good Lord..do we have to go another 7 days, waxing nostalgic about how great the OU-NU rivalry was? The airwaves will be filled to the brim with old Lyle Bremser calls and grainy footage of America’s favorite hot dog pitchman Johnny Rogers, shifting left and right against OU sometime shortly before the stone age set in. Tom Osborne I’m sure will go out of his way to “honor” the legacy of the rivalry, yet somehow putting the focus on himself at every turn…look for something along the lines of a large bronze bust, or perhaps a gigantic mural honoring his greatness. Either way, the festivities will be grand and the nostalgia will run deep…right before OU beats the living fuck out of the Huskers.

My official prediction: Oklahoma 47 Nebraska 3



Week 11 - at Kansas
Here’s another “gimmie” on the Husker schedule according to their fans. Nevermind KU returns the most scoring weapons in the division and nevermind the fact that the game is being held in Lawrence, which is the equivalent of holding a game within the walls of a state penitentiary. Urine bombs and saved for special games against Mizzou…but look for the hostility to melt Zac Lee in the blink of an eye. The ghosts of 70 point beatdowns will linger long, as Todd Reesing destroys the blackskirts on his way toward the Big 12 North title game 3 weeks later at Arrowhead.

My official prediction: Kansas 45 Nebraska 24



Week 12 - vs Kansas State
Senior day is always special in Lincoln, as the fans come out in droves to celebrate the accomplishments of athletic department tutors and illegal boosters everywhere. Gone are the big name seniors for Nebraska to honor..so look for the Ndamukong Suh hour, complete with singing, dancing and good times had by all. The Hicks finish off the special night by waxing a bad KSU team to the hoots and hollars of a fan base, who by all accounts will be looking for something to hold onto after not winning a game in 3 weeks.

My official prediction: Nebraska 38 Kansas State 27



Week 13 – at Colorado
Ahhh nothing is more enjoyable on Thanksgiving afternoon than teams battling for a low level bowl spot in Shreveport. Colorado came within a nerd toenail of pulling off the upset last season. The Buffs lost 18 players (yes…18) to injuries last season, and Nebraska lost not only one of their best passers in school history, but their #1 running back and both wide receivers. The game is in Boulder, where the Huskers are showered with love, affection and respect year in and year out. Given the track record of Husker fans…look for the Bo Pelini love affair to be in full fledged retreat, heading into a rough and rocky off-season.

My official prediction a la 1989: Colorado 27 Nebraska 21


5-7 Overall
2-6 in the Big 12

Enjoy your weekend.