August 1, 2009

3rd Annual Mythbusters Column

Yeah, I knew nothing would stoke the fires of activity like a good 'ol fashioned anti-Husker rant. And yeah...that pretty much went the way I expected it to go. Lots of chuckles from fans around the league...and lots of pouting, pissing and moaning from the world's greatest college football followers in red. Yes, it felt good to get that off my chest, but in the end...those assclowns don't deserve the attention any more now than they did at the end of last year when I declared Husker football dead.

But sure..for old times sake and to keep me sharp, we'll go back and visit our old stomping grounds. Husker fans will continue to wet themselves in a fit of rage and anger (usually calling me names that would make a 5th grader roll his eyes)...and I'll continue to be right about them; again and again. Rest assured, that won't be the norm...unless of course Nebraska or their fans do something so outrageously stupid, it absolutely requires comment.

Anyhow, August somehow snuck up on us, and it's time to get back to some serious pre-season anticipation with the now annual official prediction posts...which almost always cause more people's head to explode than anything else I do all year. (And yeah, that's saying a lot considering the amount of whining and crying that hits my comment page the rest of the year.)

Anyhow, before we do that...let's look forward to the '09 season, and do a little thing I like to call...Mythbusters from around the college football world.

MYTH - Florida's Tim Tebow will lead the Gators as the first back-to-back champions since a steroid-fueled band of Hicks pulled it off in 1994 and 1995. (Even though we all know Penn State would have rolled them in '94)
FACT - I'm not sure I'm the only one who caught this..but wasn't Florida's loss at HOME to a mediocre Mississippi team last year one of the "worst" losses among the leading contending teams? Don't get me wrong, they were as good as anybody last year...but with the SEC down (and don't kid was)...just how good REALLY were they? VERY few people can pull off what Tebow is trying to accomplish (Heisman winner coming back), but if anybody can, it's the greatest college football quarterback of the last 25 years. (Yeah, I said it and I can prove it). That being said, I don't think the Gators are physical enough to pull it off back to back.

MYTH - This will FINALLY be the year that Ohio State busts loose and brings the Big 10 their first National Title since 2002.
FACT - Ohio State will not get past USC, and will once again be victimized by the fact that they play in a shitty conference with boring players, boring personalities and simply above average talent. With road games at Penn State and Michigan (Who will be better, trust me) to end the season, I really don't see Jim Tressel's team being anything more than they've always been: A good team with a big name in a shitty conference.

MYTH - Nick Saban will continue to lead Alabama back as a National powerhouse
FACT - Alabama's clash with Virginia Tech on September 5th will go a long way in telling us what to expect from the Tide. Other than a road game at suddenly good Mississippi at mid season, the rest of their schedule is amazingly light with home tilts against Arkansas, Tennessee and LSU. Unless Auburn gets real good real quick and trips Bama up at home....Look for the SEC title game against probably Florida to be for a BCS title birth. (Don't kid yourself...any SEC team with 1 loss or less is in the title game because ESPN says so.) I don't feel confident about much this season, but if the Tide get past Va Tech in week one...there isn't much stopping them the rest of the year.

MYTH - Lane Kiffin will have Tennessee back in the hunt for the SEC title in 2009.
FACT - Lane Kiffin will most likely be in prison before the Vols are back in the hunt for the SEC title due to recruiting violations so blatantly unethical, only God himself could keep him out of the electric chair. Has there been an easier team on earth to root against than Tennessee lately? Jeez, what a worm.

MYTH - Some shitty Big East team with a squeaky clean record will become the darling of ESPN and cause every east-coast pundit for the better part of three months ask, "Why doesn't the Big East get more respect nationally?".
FACT - Because they don't deserve it. I'm sick of the West Virginias and Pittsburgh's of the world jacking around the entire country by pretending to be WAY better than they really are. The Mountain West is 2x the conference the Big East is...and has been for a while. They're just screwed by geography for being further away from Bristol, CT.

MYTH - BYU will shock the world and pull off the first big upset of the year when they face Oklahoma in Norman in week #1.
FACT - Call me crazy..everybody does...but I think BYU has one hell of a shot of pulling this off. Not sure why really, but the Cougars remind me a lot of most Big 12 teams, and have played some pretty tough teams in their own right. (I think they'd fit right in with most Big 12 teams) Not sure I'd bet my house on it...but do not be shocked if Bob Stoops gets that stupid ass look on his face late in this one...just as he usually does during games in early January.

MYTH - Ndamukong Suh will be a finalist for the Heisman trophy.
FACT - I actually heard this today. I just wanted to see how stupid it looked printed out on the screen.

MYTH - Baylor will be the surprise team of the Big 12
FACT - We've covered this already, and as talented as Robert Griffin is, the Bears still lost quite a bit of firepower. They'll definitely win some games, and they'll definitely be better than A&M; but if you're looking for a come-from-nowhere kind of story..look north: Colorado will shock some people. You heard it here first. (Again)

MYTH - Missouri will fall back to their shitty ways after losing the best 289 players they ever had from last season. (And both coordinators)
FACT - Before Chase Daniel, Jeremy Maclin and Chase Coffman came to Mizzou, the Tigers will still piling up 7-8 win seasons on a somewhat consistant basis. Yet despite a roster that is young (but deep), they are somehow supposed to hop BACK into the time machine to the early 90's and be in the 4-5 win range? Really? I don't see Kirk Farmer type talent anywhere close to this team, and even though Mizzou won't be nearly as potent in the offensive firepower department, there is still WAY more firepower on the roster than the ones that finished 7-5, 8-4 consistently during the Brad Smith years. (More on them later).

MYTH - Bo Pelini will lead the Husker back to dominance by winning the North Title for the first time in 3 seasons.
FACT - Bo Pelini is a hot-headed idiot who looks and acts like a dim-witted gym teacher from Scranton. Lose the stupid sweatshirt Bo, you look like an fucking moron.

MYTH - Iowa State can't get any worse than last season's horrific finish.
FACT - They can get plenty worse, and will get the hell stomped out of them pretty much every week.

MYTH - Oklahoma vs. Texas will be the game of the year.
FACT - I'm not about to take away from the Red-River's certainly intense and has huge national implications. However, keep an eye on Oregon hosting USC on Halloween night. Oregon has some tough, but winnable games earlier in the season with games against Boise and Utah. Get by those, and it's smooth sailing til the Trojans come to town. If Eugene is hosting a couple of top 10 teams late in can bet they'll put up one hell of a fight against Pete Carrol's team, in a game that most likely could decide a Rose Bowl birth. Love those new Duck uniforms too.

MYTH - Phil Steele is a legend in terms of judging talent and a master of prognostication
FACT - Phil Steele is gigantic douchebag, who wouldn't know his ass from a garbage can. Go to hell Phil, you worthless jackass.

And yes..what Mythbuster's post would be complete without another Kari picture? bout 2?

PS - Highly anticipated Big 12 Official Prediction column is next.


  1. AJ,BYU and OU play in Jerry's world. Not Norman. Otherwise good stuff!

  2. are correct, I completely forgot about that.

    Good catch, and my bad.

  3. Thanks AJ this was a great read on a Monday morning.

  4. Just curious why would the 1994 Penn St. Team would steam roll NU? What top 10 teams did Penn St. Beat in 1994? Oh wait that's right ZERO.

    NU beat two top 10 teams that FINISHED the season ranked in the top 10, one of those teams Miami, they beat them in Miami. Even for you H8ter that had to be a little impressive.

    You offer no facts to support that 94 PSU would steam roll NU that is why I ask