Back to Basics, Back to Hate

Leave it to the old standby's to interupt a perfectly boring off-season preview. No, I won’t try and lie to you and pretend that I didn’t know this was going to happen. Although the surroundings are a bit different, and my passion to write barely has a pulse…I knew I would have to address the following situation that has begun to boil. Either way, you and I both know I can’t keep this up for an entire year and beyond. I couldn’t do it with my old blog, and I certainly can’t do it now. However, the reason I did keep open the option to continue writing was because I knew things would come along to piss me off...on in this case, violently roll my eyes into my skull.

So with that being said…let’s go back a few years to a simpler time.

Let’s go back to the years where a fanatical and delusional fan base was completely out of control, spewing out inaccurate facts and opinions at alarming rates. Let’s go back and remember just how ridiculous most of their claims were, and just how stupid their arguments sounded to those outside their walls. They tried to tell you how great their receivers were. They tried to convince us all that their NFL caliber coach had all the answers. They tried to annoint a backup Pac-10 flunky the second coming of Jesus Christ. They force fed themselves and others a multitude of lies regarding recruits, history and their general place in life...the game and of course...the sporting universe.

But........ then they were destroyed and pretty much went away.

However, thanks to a huge New Year’s Day win over a 6 loss ACC team that shook the very foundation of the sports world…(immediately following a last second win over a sub .500 Colorado team at home)…the cockroaches have colonized once again, and are scurrying among our feet. The idiotic claims are trickling back. The predictions of impending redemption are once again roaring across cyberspace and drifting across the airwaves. Their coach once again has all the answers. Everything is back where it should be…Order is finally about to be restored.
Yes, welcome back Husker fans, if only for a little while.

It’s been a long time since I’ve directly addressed you buck-toothed, moonshine swilling, Brooks and Dunn listening backward ass Mahindra driving yokels. But just when the rest of the world has had enough of your annoying blathering…I have come back to the scene of your crimes against humanity. Even though the surroundings are the same…your attitudes are strikingly identical to every other year you’ve proclaimed your impending return to glory….somehow everything is different.

Instead of feeling I have to continue to wage a one-man 20+ year crusade against your relentless and tireless honoring of yourselves…I now feel the same way one would feel when a gnat is flying too close to your forehead for a little more than a second at a summer picnic. Sure, things were different when you pulled into town with five 300lb linemen, a savvy coach…fleet footed QB’s and a variety of woman-punching thugs with talent at your disposal….but today, the attitude is the same…but the firepower is far different.

We’ll get into all the reasons why you aren’t “back” later….why order isn’t “restored” or whatever stupid-ass snappy slogan you’ve decided to slap on a t-shirt this week. All of that is in the works, and just as in previous years…it’s extremely easy to prove. However, today the annoyance is not for who you think you are…but who you most definately are not. No, today is a day to chuckle aloud, lean up out of one’s chair, and bring down a quick flyswatter of reality onto your delusional, yellow-foam coated skulls. You’ll probably think these words are familiar because they are. I’ve been telling you clowns this for years…yet here you come again with more of the same old, same old.

Ready?

People don’t hate you because they fear you. That emotion left sometime around the time Chris Brown was running for his 9th touchdown in the first quarter of a late November game in 2001. No, people hate you for the same reason they have always hated you : Because you’re annoying, arrogant and pompous assholes. Always have been. (Except you used to have a good team to root for)

I’ve given you the reasons why you are so despised by fans who know you for years, both in cyberspace and to those around me. I’ve explained to you that national “powers” don’t lose 26 games in 5 seasons. I’ve explained to you why nobody with two pasty white wide receivers should be claiming to be one of "the league's best corps". I’ve told you time and time and time again why we’re laughing not with you, but at you. And yet for some strange reason, you keep coming back for more? Why? I realize football is all you have, and it’s going to take more than a hate-filled blog and 8 years of mediocre football to convince you that the mid 1990’s are long gone.

Perhaps NINE years of crappy football will convince you otherwise? Perhaps yet ANOTHER season of unrealistic expectations followed by complete and utter failure will convince you that you might want to find another hobby? (UNO hockey anyone?). Perhaps you brushed off everything I’ve been trying to tell you as luck? Whatever the reason, I will continue to roll my eyes and give you a light pity clap as you reach upward for somebody to pull you out of the gigantic pool of shit you will most definately slip into later on this fall. It’s predictable. It’s easy to see and above all else…it’s been done before. (Several years in a row now in fact.)

But yet even all that isn’t enough to derail the ego-train driven by the Nebraska media and their self-congratulatory fans. Any other fan base would see a brand new QB and tough schedule as something to be concerned about….not you. Any other fan base would probably realize that beating absolutely nobody and celebrating a win over a mediocre ACC team like the closing credits of Soul Train was a bad idea going into an off-season….not you. Any other fan base would realize that 1971, 1995 or any other memorable football year that found you with fond memories and a full head of hair is long gone.....and all the Johnny Roger pre-game speeches can’t make them come back….but not you.

No, once again, you’ve proven that delusional arrogance needs only memories and self-indulgence to fuel itself. NO OTHER fan base on earth would pound their chest prior to a season where their best offensive weapons are a second string running back and mediocre tight end. NO OTHER fan base would have the fucking balls to declare themselves BACK after losing to their biggest conference rival by 6TD’s at home. NO OTHER fan base on the planet would parlay a horrible performance against a bad Colorado team, and turn it into momentum for the coming year. I’m not shocked by it. Other Big 12 fans aren’t shocked by it. I’m guessing even God himself…who made you into this driveling mess after you sold your soul to the devil in 1997 isn’t too shocked about it.

We now stand at just over 30 days until another football season kicks off, and you idiots are no wiser than you’ve ever been. (WIDER probably, but definitely not wiser.) This year as in past years...you’ve ignored the warnings of others, just as you’ve completely brushed off any common sense that would creep into the mind of a normal fan. So as we stand at the home stretch of the off season, let me once again acknowledge and honor my good friends from Nebraska, who will stop at absolutely NOTHING to make sure you understand just how powerful, knowledgeable and yeah…humble they are. The broomsticks are in hand…the plastic windmills are being setup all along the Midwest as a tidal wave of emotion stands to meet a concrete pillar of reality.

I will once again be here to witness the carnage, just as I have been the past several years. I will laugh as the excuses pile up; I will chuckle to myself when you try and find some sort of way to save your sinking ship with rubber bands and a roll of aluminum foil. However, what I will not do is feel sorry for you, nor give you advice as you fight among yourselves, as you desperately try to put Humpty Pelini back together again. You’ll continue to spin in circles, and I will continue to be right…just as I always have.

But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a backhand across your face now and then, if for no other reason but to remind you that the rest of us are well aware of the endless miles of bullshit you’ve tried to sell us before. No, none of us are buying that shit again (OK, maybe Phil Steele and a bunch of Big 12 writers are). Perhaps Florida Atlantic fans would like to hear all about your glorious past, your brilliant players and your superior fans? The rest of us had a good laugh and closed that chapter long ago….it’s still humorous, but not nearly as funny as the first time.