July 9, 2009

A Team So Bad, I Can't Even Think of a Catchy Title

In the four plus years that I’ve written a college football blog, I’ve maybe spent a grand total of 5 minutes studying Iowa State football. In fact, I think the only time I really sat down and watched a Cyclone game was the OU game last year. (Or was it two years ago? Who can keep them all straight?) Anyway, the point is the Clones are bad…by far the worst team in the conference. So since their standing is pathetic..and since they don’t appear to be getting any better anytime soon…let’s get through this quick.

IOWA STATE (2-10 in 2009)

It’s one thing for Baylor to suck, mired in the daunting quicksand that is the talent packed Big 12 south; however, it’s quite another to suck and be consistently stomped by the likes of the powder-puffs of the Big 12 north. ISU was not just bad last year, they were horrifically bad. Oh sure, they had a couple of close losses, like the inexplicably close 2 point loss to KU and the OT loss at national power UNLV. But still, the Clones were decimated by bad coaching, bad offense and absolutely putrid defense as defined by their Cosgrovian ability to give up 30 or more points 7 times in Big 12 play alone.

POSITIVES for 2009
Seriously, could they be any worse? The Clones return Austen Arnaud under center, but with a new head coach and a new offensive system…how good are you really looking at being? Leonard Johnson turned out to be a really nice bright spot in 2008, ending up in the top 20 in the nation in kick returns. But then again…when you’re giving up 35.8ppg, you’re going to get a lot of practice returning kicks. The only other positive…a schedule that is tough…but missing OU and Texas.

NEGATIVES for 2009
Seriously…do I have to go through all of these here?

I really can’t say anything bad about ISU fans over the years (who really can), but in fact…it’s really hard to find them nowadays. We know they exist…I’ve seen them at women’s basketball games and wrestling matches on CSTV…but still, I don’t blame them for staying away. Regardless, the Clones can usually be counted on for two things every year: Playing Iowa tough, and getting rolled by everybody else. (Hell, even North Dakota State in week one isn’t a gimmie..they may even be underdogs.) Regardless, look for more growing pains, and more automatic losses coming from Ames this season. (Shocking…hard-hitting analysis there huh? I told you I just wanted to get through this.)

Sometimes, a team can be discounted as so bad…their rebuilding tends to sneak up on you quickly. With that being said, would anybody be shocked if ISU rose up and won a couple games they shouldn’t early in the year? OK, scratch that..of course they would be shocked. But regardless, even with their recent streak of futility, the Clones have GOT to be due for some sort of positivity….right? Ummmm, Maybe not. Then again, when you pick up Rice’s offensive coordinator in the offensive coordinator…how could you not have issues.


If you’re going to break in a new coaching staff, at least you can do so without having waste your time being bludgeoned by Oklahoma or Texas. (Unless they meet in Arlington in December right? Heh). Regardless, instead of looking at the schedule as a whole, one needs to focus on games the Clones could actually win. As stated before, bad ISU teams have beaten good Iowa teams before. Kansas State is vulnerable on a neutral field, and Colorado is always good for laying an egg on the road from time to time. The other three non-conference games….NoDak State, @Kent State and Army…are not exactly a waltz in the park. Then again, if you can’t beat Army at home…you’ve got real problems.

117 – Iowa State’s passing defense ranking out of 119 teams in 2008.

19 – Number of ISU losses over the last 2 seasons. (Most in the Big 12)

1354 – Number of days since ISU won a conference road game (10/25/05 A&M)

0.00001 – Average ratings point of an ISU football telecast

Up Next: Gig Em


  1. I'll admit, when you're ripping Nebraska (and God knows many of our fans are deserving) your writing is very entertaining.

    What is the over/under on the number of responses to your ISU post?

  2. I was actually thinking the exact same thing. I'm guessing the over-under is 2...but if I didn't preview them...some ass jockey would blast me for not knowing who's in the conference.

    The concept of a conference blog I think will work, but won't really get going til things start happening.

    Even on the old blog...July was always one of the slowest months for some reason hit wise.

  3. I feel bad for Arnuad. I think he could be an elite QB but not at ISU.

  4. Item #1 Soooo....even though this is a conference blog, are we celebrating hate week?

    Item #2: ISU sucks. Who the hell did they even hire? Sandy Buda could do that job better than what they have had since McCarney left. The coaching staff they have now is literally a who's-who. And by that I mean when I heard the names I was like, "Who?" I have heard that their defensive coordinator was one of the Four Horseman.

    That's all I got on ISU.

  5. Hate Week will continue as normal.