Man I love to write.
When I was a kid, I would write stories about nothing in particular so nobody in particular would read them. For 3 weeks when I was 10 years old I wrote a 20+ page “story” about a boy and his robot friend. (No, not A.W.E.S.O.M. – O but God I loved that episode) When I got to high school, I would get in trouble for turning in papers that were too long and too wordy. Then e-mail came along, and I bantered back and forth with friends about just about everything. Eventually I started to write about things that made me angry all the time, and lots of people started to read. It was pretty cool to have my work featured on ESPN.com, CNNSI.com, and Maple Street press. It was great interacting with readers and bloggers, taking part in “round tables” and the like. But in the end…life went on and that fire I had just kind of burned out.
This past summer, I started this current blog to at least give me a writing outlet, so that I could address issues as they came up and feed that craving that somewhere still burned inside me. But after several months…even trying to put down thoughts to screen once a week has become a burden of sorts.
So when you still want to write, yet don’t like your vehicle in which to express those writings, what do you do? Start a pet blog? Twitter away the day? (Don’t worry..I like Twitter because it’s quick and doesn’t require much thought. That’s certainly not going anywhere soon.) What do you do if you are stuck with the same old problem you tried to get away from the first time?
I’m in my late 30’s, and my path in life is pretty well chosen. Most of us from Generation X feel the same way I’m sure, as we approach 40 and try to figure out what we want to do with the back half of our lives. Perhaps you are like me? All throughout my childhood and beyond, I was timid in approaching things that I wanted to do…but didn’t have the guts to do. Later in life, the same feelings persist of restlessness and fear of failure still simmer. The way I see it…you can either try and stuff those feelings inside, or you can turn them into action, and do something about them. Even if you fail, at least you can look back upon yourself later and said, “at least I tried it.”
What I’m going to be doing is going to take away from my spare time normally spent writing blogs, watching games or yapping on message boards. It’s going to take concentration and effort and most likely will consume my spare time like nothing else I’ve ever tried before. But I say this again…if you don’t try, how can you live with yourself later on, knowing you MAY or MAY NOT have been able to do it?
Starting very soon, I’m going to shift my focus into doing something I’ve always wanted to do..but never had the guts to pursue; and that something is writing a book.
I can’t really divulge much more than that, other than I have thoroughly enjoyed my time bantering back and forth with people who both agree with me, and those who absolutely loathe me. For a long time, that jousting, that verbal sparring with friends and foes alike got me through the sporting calendar and kept me in tune with myself. But getting angry and writing long diatribes simply doesn’t light my fire anymore.
You see…to me, challenging yourself is the most noble of endeavors. All the time, we read sob stories of people who started business or personal ventures that failed. They are often pitied or even mocked. (Hell, even I mocked Aaron Taylor and other former Huskers as they failed in their attempt to open a restaurant in Omaha a few years back.) But in the end…I was very very wrong about that. (I still wouldn’t have been caught dead there, but still) People who take risks are the ones who should be envied..not pitied. People who push themselves to do better are the ones who take the hardest falls, but reap the greatest rewards. As the old cliché goes: “You can’t steal second base, if your feet are standing on first.”
I have no idea if a book that I author will ever be read by anyone other than me. I have no idea if somebody..somewhere will look at it and think, “This is pretty good…I think I’ll keep reading.” I have no idea how any of that would go. But what I do know is..I simply can’t go any further without at least finding out.
This blog is not closing, but the concept of it certainly is. I may go weeks, maybe even months without commenting on your favorite team or the teams you hate. I may throw out a random power poll or I may, at some point, feel the fire again and rant and rave on somebody or something for old times sake. For those of you thinking, “This idiot is just finding a new way to waste is time”, that’s fine. For those of you who think to yourself, “Oh sure…stop now when your team sucks”…please remember this: Your team just lost to Iowa State…at home…and all I could muster was a one word reply. THAT right there, should speak more than any speech I can come up with.
The readers of my work are often one of two people: Either somebody who agrees with me and eggs me on for more…or someone who hates my guts and simply reads my work to fuel their own rage. (Or to go on super long rants on the radio…but I’m not going to touch that one today). To all of you, I say thanks again. I appreciate the kind words and the not so kinds words. But at the end of the day…I hope you all understand that.
I’m going to challenge myself, because I think I have the skill and the patience. I don’t want to sit around wondering why I didn’t do something, when the opportunity is certainly there. I want to look back and be proud that success or failure, I was able to attempt something most people wouldn’t have the ability to even dream of.
Stay tuned for more, and thanks again for your kind and not so kind words.